The lesson of tears

It's not even noon and it's been a tough morning. I woke up irritated and not about anything but my own space and quiet. I have gotten so used to being by myself that living back home has been such a huge adjustment! Today I just felt so emotional and didn't want to talk to anyone. My parents were up with their usual morning routine buzzing all around and every single sound had me on the edge of a cliff. I was never a morning person in general, but now that I am pregnant I am hyper-sensitive to random things at the most random times. Most days it's the smell of certain things, but other days it's sound. & this morning, all sounds were driving me crazy. Well, I got up and took a shower and just let the heat soak through my body. It's amazing how just the sensation of hot water can cause such refreshing feelings. I found my peace and solitude in there and I didn't want to get out. Of course as most young ladies, I have a ritual on getting dressed and ready for my day. (even if my day consist of me being in the house and watching re-runs of these awful reality shows)

***Side Bar*** Why do I watch these shows? I guess they serve as comedic tragedies that force me to thank God for my "plain life". I enjoy "Real Housewives of whomever" & "Love & Hip Hop". I used to watch Mob Wives, but they are a little too cut throat for me. I will flip the channels and sit in awe of all the drama these cameras capture while these women claim to have such busy lives. In the past 4 years I have been a full time student that held down 2 jobs most months, and have no where near as much time for drama as these women that own businesses and run companies. Oh well, guess it's part of the the intriguing mystery that captivates hours of my precious time in staring at the tv. 

OK... Back to my regularly scheduled blog, after my shower I fed my little bun in the oven because as usual, by the time I awake she's kicking me for food. After doing so, I was so drained I just wanted to lay back down. I couldn't muster the energy to talk so everyone had mostly been getting head nods as my form of communication. I had not had my morning Gospel music time since moving back home, so I plugged in my headphones and just rested my head. I had this sudden urge to just cry. I resisted because I didn't exactly know what I was crying for, but I couldn't hold it in. At first they were just a few drops, then I started to silently cry from deep within. Words from my last conversation with my child's father (which didn't end well) ran through my head, and I realized I had not expelled the emotions from that mess. I felt the anxiety of being having to raise my precious gift by myself. I felt the worry of how to balance this all out. I felt the longing for my friends and my sense of purpose. I cried until I felt like I could breath and find my voice again then I sat up and felt like my day could begin the way I needed it to be.

LESSON FOR THE DAY:

  Sometimes you just have to let the tears flow

I did not know what I was crying for but my body needed to unload that bottled emotion. Many times I have kept my tears and hurt and anguish in because I felt it wouldn't make things better by letting them out. My own body and mind taught me today that sometimes we just have to let it flow even if we don't know why. Now, I am smiling and feel peace. It didn't take long to find my center today, but it did take an "education" moment. Everyone have a blessed day!